Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize