I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
