Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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