Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
