some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just pee around me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
