the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
