I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
