ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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