He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize