I could have mohawked her pubes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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