we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
