No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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