I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Found the puke drawer
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
