I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
