You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
