Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
