The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
