I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
