There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
