I got chris browned last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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