In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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