My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
