His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
