drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
