Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wish my penis had a tongue
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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