So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
