Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
