Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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