i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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