i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize