there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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