...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
