she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
