AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
