Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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