Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
