Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize