I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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