no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
