I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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