Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
