i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i barfeds in our rink
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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