I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
