are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
