I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
send nudes
from the living room?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
