he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
jump out the window naked night went bad
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
