I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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