he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
