We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
