He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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