I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
