she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
