I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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