Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
