So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
