Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
