i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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