I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
