So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
