i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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