I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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