One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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