Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
