I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
