i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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