im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize