Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
