I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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