Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
