I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
