I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
