Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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