I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
