I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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