My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
