Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
