Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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