The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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