Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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