How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
