I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
