I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
