Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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