i'm signing you up for texting rehab
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So here I am, sexting at work.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
