Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
