We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
