Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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