haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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