I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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