So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
