No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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