help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
