dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
