I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
