a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
