Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
