My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize