please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
