I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
