she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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