I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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