Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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